Why the Cycle of Bullying Doesn’t End
Pain patterns are often passed down from generation to generation.
Without awareness, compassion, kindness, and understanding, the cycle continues unchanged.
What many of us don’t realise is that bullying can start internally, with how we speak to ourselves. Our personal self-talk, the inner critic that whispers, “You’re not good enough,” “You’re unlovable,” or “You’ll never measure up,” reflects the standards we think society imposes on us.
This loop of negative self-talk becomes a form of self-bullying, quiet, insidious, and often unnoticed.
Unless we bring mindful awareness to our inner dialogue, these patterns can persist for years.
Many bullies act from a place of insecurity, low self-esteem, or a need to exert control. Some feel powerless and use domination to regain a sense of agency. Others may seek social status or act out from frustration, anger, or past trauma. In some cases, bullying is a learned behaviour, repeating what was done to them.
Ultimately, bullying often reflects a lack of emotional regulation and healthy conflict resolution skills.
For some, inner pain is externalised, projected onto others as physical or verbal abuse, aggression, intimidation or persistent hostility. These expressions may provide a temporary release, but often result in feelings of regret, guilt, and deeper self-loathing, perpetuating the very pain they try to escape.
Anger and self-hatred can eat away at a person like a cancer from within.
I’m not a psychologist, but what I’ve seen, and what I believe, is this: when pain is met with kindness, the results can be extraordinary.
We must separate the act of bullying from the person behind it. The behaviour must be addressed, corrected, and never excused, but we should still seek to understand the person responsible. Sometimes, their actions stem from a deep place of hurt.
When bullying is rooted in pain, we have a greater chance of interrupting the cycle by responding with empathy. We don’t excuse the behaviour, we address it. But we approach the individual with curiosity and compassion, asking not just “ why did you do that?” but “What happened to you that you felt like you needed to do that?”
When we teach children to stand up to bullying powerfully, collectively, and compassionately, we change the narrative. By standing together with kindness, they send a message: bullying will not be tolerated, but neither will hate.
When kindness speaks louder than cruelty, we take a step toward healing. Showing the same compassion to a bully as we show the victim can open the door to conversations that heal.
Sometimes, a single kind word or act can be a turning point in someone’s life.
Kindness fosters connection. It builds self-worth. It promotes confidence. When we place compassion at the heart of how we respond to bullying, we give children lifelong tools, and we teach them that their strength lies not in fear, but in empathy.
For details of our anti-bullying workshops click here
Let’s end the cycle of bullying together.
Much love
Christine & Ann