I'm not talking about forgetting their homework or needing money for lunch. I mean the things they might be embarrassed to admit.
Maybe they've started to feel like they're not good enough.
Maybe they've been left out of a group chat or they're checking over and over again to see how many people liked their last post.
Perhaps something they've seen online has left them feeling anxious, ashamed or overwhelmed.
Would they tell you?
Or would they keep it to themselves because they're worried about how you'd react?
From what the kids I've worked with have told me, many would keep it to themselves.
They don't want to disappoint their parents, get into trouble or have to explain something they're already embarrassed about.
We spend so much time thinking about the dangers we can see.
We teach our kids about drugs and alcohol. We worry about parties and getting into the wrong car. We teach them how to stay safe from things outside the home.
Meanwhile, they carry something in their pocket every day that can influence how they see themselves.
Every teenager I've worked with says they use social media, and most of them admit to being online every chance they get.
Social media isn't the only reason young people struggle with their mental health, but it has become part of how many teenagers experience rejection, acceptance and whether they feel good enough.
And sometimes what they're seeing can be genuinely harmful.
In 2017, 14-year-old Molly Russell died after viewing thousands of pieces of content relating to depression, self-harm and suicide.
During the inquest, the coroner concluded that while Molly was suffering from depression, the harmful content she was repeatedly shown online contributed to her death.
An algorithm learned what held her attention and kept showing her more of it.
That's frightening.
What scares me more is the thought of a child struggling with something like this and not feeling able to tell the people who love them the most.
We talk a lot about psychological safety at work.
I think it's even more important at home.
Can your teenager tell you they've done something they're ashamed of without immediately worrying about what you'll say? Or that something online has upset them without expecting a lecture? Can they tell you they're struggling without feeling like you're going to try to fix it straight away?
We can't control everything our children see or the conversations they have.
We can't be there every time something happens that makes them question themselves.
But we can influence what happens when they come home with it.
We can make home somewhere they feel safe enough to tell us.
That means paying attention when something changes.
If your teenager suddenly withdraws, gets anxious every time their phone buzzes or stops doing something they used to love, it is worth being curious about what is going on rather than assuming you know the reason.
You could simply ask what's been happening.
"Has anything happened online that's been bothering you?"
"If something was really worrying you, would you feel comfortable telling me?"
"If not, what could I do differently?"
And then you have to be prepared for the answer.
Because if every difficult conversation becomes a lecture, they'll eventually stop bringing difficult things to you.
If you dismiss what they're feeling as teenage drama, they'll learn to keep it to themselves.
And if honesty always leads to punishment, they'll get better at hiding things.
Your teenager doesn't need you to get every response right.
They need to know they can come to you when something has gone wrong.
You don't need to know exactly what they're dealing with before you can start making that easier.
Sometimes it starts with noticing that something has changed and being willing to ask about it without already having an answer in your head.
You might not get a big conversation the first time you ask. That's okay.
What matters is that they start to learn that they can bring difficult things to you and you will listen.
That is part of keeping them safe.
So rather than only thinking about whether you've talked to your teenager about staying safe online, think about what happens when something has already gone wrong.
If something happened online today that left your teenager frightened, ashamed or overwhelmed, would they come home and tell you?
And if you're not sure, you haven't failed.
It's simply something you can start working on.
In your corner,
Ann
Ann du Plessis is a human safety specialist and the founder of FLAG Academy. She works with schools, organisations and individuals to build practical skills for physical, emotional and psychological safety.
For more than a decade, Ann has worked in self-defense, GBV prevention, anti-bullying and personal safety. Her work is grounded in the belief that safety involves far more than knowing how to protect yourself physically. It also means recognising risk, understanding human behaviour and creating environments where people feel safe enough to speak up when something isn't right.
Ann holds a black belt in Goju Ryu Karate and has a background in trauma-informed coaching. Her professional work is informed by lived experience, which gives her a practical understanding of the impact of feeling unsafe and the importance of knowing what to do next.